One my party policies

[aroraborealis]

If someone has a restraining order against you, you are not welcome at a party I'm hosting, ever.

Comments

[dakotakym.livejournal.com]

This is an entirely reasonable response. Not wanting socially inappropriate, potentially violent individuals in ones's private space is something I agree with and am in favor of. Being close to people who have been maliciously accused of false wrongdoing and had restraining orders filed as "punishment" after a messy breakup colors my stance quite a bit on the specific restraining order point. Having been stalked by a crazy person who lurks about the local "community", and having had the cops absolutely fail in their response to the situation, also affects my perception.
I've since learned what the original post is in response to, and in this situation, the reason for the restraining order is more than justified, and I am in agreement with the original assertion of this post. I also don't think that a restraining order is enough protection or deterrent, and that the person who filed it should seriously think about carrying for personal protection (if she doesn't do so already), as it's nigh impossible for the cops to get there in time even if they were to put forth a valiant effort to do so.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

(I'm at Readercon all weekend with only brief moments at my laptop; any responses from me will be delayed. Arora, thank you for having that policy in place! )

Speaking specifically as the person who holds the RO in this specific case, I don't carry, because I have issues from way back about handguns; I'm not anti-them for others, but I feel massively uncomfortable with them, and pushing past that much discomfort would put me at a big disadvantage in a situation where I'd need to use it anyway. :/ I will be applying for a carry permit for pepper spray (after Readercon), and I know what places to stomp and kick in order to incapacitate an attacker so I can get away and get help. (Further data point: I am 4'11", 105 pounds, and have some disability issues that flare sometimes; I can't win a fair fight.)

But besides that, I just wanted to thank you for realizing how serious the situation is (and thus the recommendation to carry). I feel like a lot of the "never call the cops" stuff on various posts elides the fact that there is an active danger to the person holding the RO from the person it's against, so much so that the perpetrator's presence does mean impending severe violence in most cases.