(no subject)

[aroraborealis]

The kiss in question here is not a peck and not a full-on clinch, but something between. Let's say it lasts a 3-5 seconds, involves (but doesn't display) tongue, and does not involve groping, grinding, or otherwise suggestive activities, but is clearly intimate.

[Poll #1359433]

[ETA: I phrased this poll confusingly; take note that the question is whether it's INappropriate. Bad poll designer!]

Comments

[catness.livejournal.com]

Also, um... it maybe appropriate for me to see it. It would likely not be entirely appropriate for me to *do* it. ;)

[mgrasso.livejournal.com]

Not inappropriate if it's a goodbye kiss or otherwise isolated or alone. If it's part of a prolonged series of such kisses in public, probably a bit inappropriate.

[concrete.livejournal.com]

it's appropriate for me, but then where I'm from, people make out in public. I expected America to be a total slum of debauchery, and I was shocked to find how prude it is!

[desiringsubject.livejournal.com]

Awesome. ::hugs::

[blk]

"Inappropriate" feels like too strong of a word for me. "Somewhat tacky" is closer to my feelings. Also, there are a variety of exceptions, such as in areas where you are likely to greet/part someone intimately (ie, airport), or in certain places where such interaction is generally accepted (ie, nightclub).

And it's such a small deal as to be nearly neutral as long as the kissers are stepped enough out of the public way, so nobody has to wait for them, walk around them, or even look at them unless they want to.

[blk]

Actually, I'm going to amend myself to say that it's generally appropriate, as long as the people around you are not uncomfortable. The determination of that, of course, is very fluid.

For me, my comfort level is that if I'm not at least semi-dating both people involved, I don't want to be a part of the kiss. This can be in the form of having to step around a kissing couple or having to pause in the middle of a sentence and wait for my company to finish kissing before continuing a conversation.

I suspect a few too many occurrences of the latter have made me a little more sensitive than usual to many types of PDA.

[dbang.livejournal.com]

"as long as the people around you are not uncomfortable"

how would you even know this?

Especially if by public you mean public...as in, in the presence of strangers, such as at a restaurant, in a park, etc. "Excuse me, do you mind if I kiss my girlfriend while we stand near you?"

[blk]

Exactly! You can't know, although I would say that you can have a reasonably good idea most of the time, by just going by set social standards and community rules-of-thumb. Like I mentioned above, for example, greeting places are frequently more lax about PDAs than, say, restaurants or middle-of-the-sidewalk.

Basically, my complicated-"it depends"-answer-that-would-never-be-an-option-in-rosa's-polls is: it's inappropriate if other reasonable people are made uncomfortable, but since you can't put a logical and clearly set definition on "reasonable" or "people" or "uncomfortable," you have to use social senses to choose which side of the "possibly uncomfortable" fence to err on based on surroundings, and I, personally, tend to err slightly on the "inappropriate" side.

[cos]

... and this is one of the things about this country, which I mostly love living in, that I may never get used to or like: the pervasiveness of public anti-affection expectation, the large number of people who just don't want to see it. It grates on me, it feels so wrong.

[coraline]

i apparently missed the memo somewhere about which things were inappropriate. i try not to make other people uncomfortable, and take my cues from other people, but i think i fail sometimes.
i tend towards the PDA, a lot.

[crosslet.livejournal.com]

oops - I miss read the polls. Bad multitasking.

me too!

[liljackhorner.livejournal.com]

Actually thought the question was "is it Appropriate" When it comes to PDA -- I tend to take my cues from no less an authority than Janet Jackson "any time, any place -- I don't care who's around..."

[redheadedmuse.livejournal.com]

oops. I totally voted wrong. bad reading comprehension. what I meant was "it's fine to kiss like that in public" but what I really meant "it kind of depends where you are and how much intimacy you express with that kiss"

yesterday I stopped by a friend's house and was greeted with a kiss like that in a not-private social space. totally cool.

I've also been kissed like that at work at a preschool and felt like kicking my boyfriend for having poor boundaries.

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

This exactly.

I tend toward thinking it's acceptable and appropriate and fine, but there are plenty of 'public' circumstances where it's *in*appropriate.

[signsoflife.livejournal.com]

Yes.

And. . . to me, there's a difference between "the people who see this are casually glancing," like you'd expect at an airport, and "I expect people to be looking at me specifically for other reasons," like at work or in front of the register at a cafe'. That is, how socially signified is "looking away"?

[meadmaker.livejournal.com]

If that's inappropriate, then I'm in trouble. Though I'll second blk, in that the kissers shouldn't cause a public obstruction while kissing.

[aroraborealis.livejournal.com]

The courtesy of avoiding being a public obstruction applies to anyone who's stopping in a public way, imo!

[spike.livejournal.com]

[ceo]

According to this sign, boy-boy and girl-girl kisses are just fine.

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

Just not hat-hatless kisses.

[sol3.livejournal.com]

while wearing rollers

[aroraborealis.livejournal.com]

That would be wrong.

[dpolicar]

...though there are certainly subsets of "public" where its appropriateness would be questionable.

[catya.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. The three second end seems ok. The 5 second end seems o nthe border or over it. BUT, it depends a lot on the body language.

By 5 seconds, is the whole room looking at you?

[catya.livejournal.com]

Having thought about it more - do you mean SHOULD it be considered inappropriate, or IS it considered inappropriate?

Because my answer above is about what i think IS. and I'm all with ignoring it or changing it :)

[cutieperson]

By 5 seconds, is the whole room looking at you?

only if you're doing it right!

[catya.livejournal.com]

*grins* right does not necessarily equal publicly appropriate :)

[cutieperson]

yes, yes, i know. i was mostly joking.

[ectropy.livejournal.com]

Hey, if the new prez can show PDAs, then it must be ok for all us plebs, too.

[lyonesse.livejournal.com]

my personal rule is, if it happens and i don't want to see it, i can look away. by the time i have forgotten it and glanced back, if it's over, no harm done. five seconds gives me plenty of space to happen to choose to look elsewhere :)

[sweetbaboo.livejournal.com]

How could it not be suggestive if it was in pubic?

I don't know how to answer this

[drwex]

Do you mean "yes it's inappropriate" versus "no, it's inappropriate" or "no, it's OK"?

Re: I don't know how to answer this

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

Wait... it's a yes/no question and the options are "yes" and "no". What's confusing?

The quesion: "Is this kiss inappropriate in public?"

A "yes" answer would mean "yes it is inappropriate". A "no" answer would mean "no it is not inappropriate".

Re: I don't know how to answer this

[drwex]

OK that works. Seems obvious in retrospect.

[harlequinaide.livejournal.com]

I'm having trouble picturing this. Maybe if I had a demonstration... Not watching it on YouTube, or anything, because that would be someone else's kiss, and I want to be able to answer for myself. Perhaps if we worked together on a sample kiss of the kind to which you refer, I could formulate a more complete, considered, response... Alternative definitions of "public" might also need to be explored. On the street might certainly be public, but on the street during Folsom? In the bedroom, with the cat watching? In front of my class? In the back of someone else's class?

[aroraborealis.livejournal.com]

I see. And these demonstrations would be for science?

[harlequinaide.livejournal.com]

Absolutely. For science. For informed decision making. For knowledge. It's all about discovery, see.

[aroraborealis.livejournal.com]

Well, I feel strongly about supporting scientific discovery!

[aroraborealis.livejournal.com]

Also: nice icon :)

[rdhdsnippet.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't be upset by it, from either end.

And for the record, in an airport, ALL bets are off. :)

[haptotrope.livejournal.com]

I would say that public expressions of tenderness like the aforementioned kiss are ok. People are, after all, allowed to be together, and have a few seconds of expressions of that tenderness.

If I look away and then look back, and they are still going at it... then they are doing it for my benefit/ their egos' benefit and not for the benefit of this shiny loving moment between lovers.