One my party policies

[aroraborealis]

If someone has a restraining order against you, you are not welcome at a party I'm hosting, ever.

Comments

[sol3.livejournal.com]

You know what, though, I'd rather err on the side of assuming the restraining order is legit, and finding out later that it wasn't[1], than err on the side of assuming that the restraining order is not legit, and letting some abusing asshat into my environment. The ramifications of getting this wrong are much much much stronger on one side than the other.

[1] especially in situations where I am nowhere near close enough to be able to have facts. Though, from what I understand about what kicked this whole storm off, there really wasn't a whole lot of question about the legitimacy of said restraining order.

[lcohen]

so very much this. i am so tired of "but what if the accusations are unfounded?" as an excuse to let every wandering asshole into our gatherings. unfounded accusations are a small small problem; people being attacked and abused is a huge problem. and what are the ramifications for the falsely accused person in our hypothetical situation? they didn't get to go to a party. what are the ramifications if the restraining order was in place for a darned good reason and it's ignored? which thing is worse?

[dakotakym.livejournal.com]

This is an entirely reasonable response. Not wanting socially inappropriate, potentially violent individuals in ones's private space is something I agree with and am in favor of. Being close to people who have been maliciously accused of false wrongdoing and had restraining orders filed as "punishment" after a messy breakup colors my stance quite a bit on the specific restraining order point. Having been stalked by a crazy person who lurks about the local "community", and having had the cops absolutely fail in their response to the situation, also affects my perception.
I've since learned what the original post is in response to, and in this situation, the reason for the restraining order is more than justified, and I am in agreement with the original assertion of this post. I also don't think that a restraining order is enough protection or deterrent, and that the person who filed it should seriously think about carrying for personal protection (if she doesn't do so already), as it's nigh impossible for the cops to get there in time even if they were to put forth a valiant effort to do so.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

(I'm at Readercon all weekend with only brief moments at my laptop; any responses from me will be delayed. Arora, thank you for having that policy in place! )

Speaking specifically as the person who holds the RO in this specific case, I don't carry, because I have issues from way back about handguns; I'm not anti-them for others, but I feel massively uncomfortable with them, and pushing past that much discomfort would put me at a big disadvantage in a situation where I'd need to use it anyway. :/ I will be applying for a carry permit for pepper spray (after Readercon), and I know what places to stomp and kick in order to incapacitate an attacker so I can get away and get help. (Further data point: I am 4'11", 105 pounds, and have some disability issues that flare sometimes; I can't win a fair fight.)

But besides that, I just wanted to thank you for realizing how serious the situation is (and thus the recommendation to carry). I feel like a lot of the "never call the cops" stuff on various posts elides the fact that there is an active danger to the person holding the RO from the person it's against, so much so that the perpetrator's presence does mean impending severe violence in most cases.