aroraborealis

As the year changed from 2012 to 2013, the main thing I hoped for 2013 was that it be less eventful than 2012, when I bought a house, moved, joined households with a new bunch of people, and got major new responsibilities in my job. Although 2013 was eventful and difficult for many people around me, in my life, I got pretty much what I wanted. Not too much that was big changed. It was a year of settling in, firming up, solidifying.

So, unsurprisingly, I'm hoping for more than that from 2014. The word I keep coming to is "level up". I'm not sure what exactly I want to level up in (though, of course, everything, right?), but that having had a year of relative stillness, I want to test those roots and foundations I spent last year working on and see if I can grow into more this year. As I think about it, I can see ways that I can do this at work, in my relationships, at home, and in the world. I feel hopeful that I can move myself this way!

In the spirit of this, Vienna Teng's "Level Up":

These can be frustrating and disillusioning times for feminists and other people focused on social liberation and progressiveness in social issues across the board, but especially group and identity issues along the lines of sexism, racism, heterosexism, classism, straightism, etc. I see all of these issues as being tightly linked: they all take very similar shapes, and people who fall into more than one marked category feel the hit from each one.

Anyway, I've been super excited to see a couple of Ted talks in the past couple of years that are men talking about the importance of feminism, recognizing that feminism is a movement that seeks to improve society for all members*, not just women, despite the name. I've linked to Tony Porter's talk in the past, but it pairs so wonderfully with the more recent talk by Jackson Katz that I wanted to include both.

Porter really focuses on the damage the patriarchy does to boys and men, how constraining the notion of masculinity is, and how harmful.

Katz delves beautifully into some of the complexities of groupism and discusses some of the psychology and group training that causes men to tune out conversations that they perceive as "women's issues", acknowledges the way that men get more credit, attention, and acclaim than women, and gives a brief overview of what he calls the bystander approach, whereby members of the unmarked group (in this case, men) raise the bar of expectations for all members by not letting problematic comments slide. He sees this as an issue of leadership and frames it fantastically well.

All told, these videos will take about 30 minutes of your time to watch or listen to, and I think they're completely worth it. In fact, I've watched them both multiple times, and I normally time out after about 3 minutes. Please share them far and wide; I'd love to see them get some play outside of The Bubble.

Violence & Silence: Jackson Katz


A Call to Men: Tony Porter


*Recognizing, of course, that many branches of feminism don't go a great job of being inclusive across other categories like race, class, etc, but I do see a general trend of increasing awareness in lots of those branches, over time.

Coworker: "Here's a question that most people don't know the answer to. You've historically shown yourself not to fall into that category..."

I adore fun umbrellas, because they're fun, and also because they brighten up the dreariness that is often implied by the need for an umbrella. I have a pink flower one, and an underwater one, and a sunflower one (which is missing but sure to turn up) ... and my newest addition is an LED umbrella. This one is different from the rest in that I can't really see the lights from the inside most of the time, but people's dramatic reactions make up for that: I invariably get at least one and usually several delighted comments from people when I'm carrying it.

Over the weekend, I was dressed up and walking to a birthday party around dusk, and obviously the LED umbrella was the right one to carry to a party. (Yes, I was also wearing glitter, because: birthday party!) On the bike path, there were a couple of little kids playing in a puddle, with their dad nearby.

As I neared them, one of the kids fell, and started crying and being very upset, until she caught sight of me, when she stopped dead and just stared with her jaw hanging open and a slightly awed expression on her face.

"Wow, look at HER," the dad said, and both kids emitted entranced sighs. "She's all sparkly!" continued the dad.

"Thanks, it was a gift!" I told them as I passed.

Both kids swiveled their heads as the dad said "That's amazing! She's so cool!" as I passed and waved.

I quite like the idea that I'm influencing impressionable young people into the cult of sparkle. Also, I think I saved their puddle jumping playtime for at least a little while longer!

"Between you and my therapist," one of my team members stopped by to tell me, "I think 2012 is looking good!"

I don't remember which of you it was who gave me the wine bottle puzzle thingy, but I need to tell you that I've finally found the perfect use for it!

One of my VPs won a bottle of wine in a trivia contest this week, but he was on his way to the airport and only carrying on luggage, so he couldn't bring it with me. Since I'm the Minister of Fun, he gave it to me.

So I stuck the hard-won wine into the puzzle, struggled with it a while to get it all set up, and it's now sitting on the edge of my desk, which is located in a spot that LOTS of people walk by.

Within five minutes, three people had gathered around it to start trying to figure it out.

Success!

So, I have this fucking awesome job.

I'm coming up on having been there for two full months, though it doesn't feel that way, since I was gone for two weeks at Burning Man. Also, because it's so damn fun. I had no idea that a job could be so fun. I've had jobs I liked before, but never one that didn't feel like work.

It's interesting, because I always figured a person would have to have a calling, and a job within that calling, to feel so satisfied in their job, and I've never really felt like I had a calling at all, much less one that applied in a professional setting and could make money, but here I am, in a job that makes me really happy to be doing it -- pretty much every part of it.

I figure the chore parts of it will turn up eventually, or some of the stuff I'm currently enjoying will become tiresome, but, hey, I'm not rushing that. I'm going to do everything I can to keep it so that I am completely unphased by the hassle or boredom of expense reports and keep the complicated logistical juggles of moving 130 people from their current workstations into new ones without ruffling more feathers than I can smooth back down while also finding the puzzle of it all unspeakably fun.

Seriously, this is awesome.

Someone recently posted this quote from Nerissa Nields in another forum: "Big events, solstices, Christmases, birthdays ... these are hard. They force me to confront just how challenging it can be to ... to be in the present moment and show up for the joy. I am much better at showing up for the tragedies. I am extremely present for the tragedies."

I think it's a lot easier to put all our emotional depth into difficulties, grief, tragedy. Right now, I am putting my all into joy, satisfaction, and delight. Fall is upon us -- a time of endings that are slow beginnings, of long nights and bare branches. For me, this fall is a time to harvest the fruits of the extremely tough year behind me, and to embrace the warmth and light that's growing out of seeds I planted in the cold, dark days of last fall and winter.

What's giving you joy these days?

Last night, metagnat introduced me to Tumbleweed Tiny House Company. Browsing their website immediately went on my list of activities to help me destress. Looking at these sweet, tiny homes gives me that pleasant, wonderful heartache of nostalgia for a combination of the past and the imagined future.

I'm especially enamored of the Fencl, which is jammed full of as much light as you can imagine.

Seriously in love!

It's image day here at hydrodynamically captivating! Thanks to trom for pointing me to this one:

Over the weekend, I discovered these two videos, wherein passersby are asked what song they're listening to. They make me love people and the world:

New York City:


London:


Also, I discovered some new music as a result. Hooray!

What song are YOU listening to right now?