mawwage

[aroraborealis]

I've been pondering this one for a while:

For those of you who are married or who've been married:

Why did you get married? Did it change your (primary) relationship to be married? How? (For those of you who are nonmonogamous, did it change your other relationships?)

Is marriage what you expected? How? How not? Is it what you hoped? Is it harder/easier?

If you could go back and give your pre-marriage self some advice or insight, what would it be?

Anonymous posting is (always) on.

Comments

[sarahshevett.livejournal.com]

I got married because it was expected of me.
My whole life I was told " this will go under your wedding cake" when my mom bought a certain piece of lace, or "this would be a great place for your wedding" when we would visit a park.
I was one of those girls that NEVER dreamed about her wedding day. It was something I never thought about, just assumed that it would be done.

It was done solely for my parents. They wanted it so badly. I couldn't have cared less.
It didn't change our relationship at all. As a matter of fact, soon after we split because I wanted to live in the mountains, and he wanted to stay in the city. We would visit on weekends.
It really meant nothing but a party for my parents. They were big on parties.

Now I am not married but in a committed relationship that is a marriage to me without the ceremony. Since I don't care what my family/ friends/neighbors think about us, I have no interest in "declaring" in front of them. It's none of their business.

Weddings are my worst nightmare.
A couple of good friends, people I introduced, got married 4 years ago. I was asked to be a brides maid. I had a lot of problems with this. I aked her why did she want this? I did it.

I just might not have the wedding gene, because I really hate anything to do with weddings and marriage.
Maybe because I am such a private person, I just think this most intimate relationship is no one elses business. Or another convention I won't let society force on me.

Maybe this post is more about weddings than marriage, but what is a marriage without a wedding? I mean it is the catalyst.

[aroraborealis.livejournal.com]

This sounds very familiar. My parents were never pushy about it, but between them and cultural expectations, as a kid, I definitely assumed that someday I'd get married. Sometime in high school, though, I started to question the marriage-and-kids assumption, starting with the realization that I didn't think I wanted kids, and moving into realizing that I wasn't sold on the whol marriage thing, either. I'm lucky that my parents, while big on parties, are totally fine with throwing their own! :)

Now I am not married but in a committed relationship that is a marriage to me without the ceremony.

Now that has a lot of appeal.

Unlike you, however, I like weddings. I've only been to one that I knew right off the bat wasn't going to work, and I was GLAD it wasn't going to work, and I was also glad they were doing the legal thing because of some protections it would bring my friend and her kids. In general, though I don't think it's the right thing for me, I enjoy the big parties people throw, and I like to celebrate their love with them. I get a little prickly when their vows say things like, "I promise you my undying love," because it seems foolish to promise something you can't guarantee, but when they say, "We're committing to work to make a happy life together, through thick and thin," I at least feel like they're being realistic.

[sarahshevett.livejournal.com]

Yeah I might be getting more cynical on weddings as I see them fail.
I have been to 5 weddings since I have been living in this town, and only 3 of the couples are still married. One couple was 18 when they married so even though they have been married 1 1/2 years and now have a new baby, I have my doubts about them.
One of the couples are an older couple ( 50's) I think that one is good.
The other are my friends. It looks good for them so far.
I can't go to a wedding without this on my mind.

I'm all "yeah, right" during the ceremony..

[wolfkitn.livejournal.com]

I've only been to one that I knew right off the bat wasn't going to work...

isn't that an eerie feeling? i had that experience a few years ago, and slowly watched my friend and her husband destroy each other over the next few years. thankfully, she finally pulled out about a year ago and is becoming human again, slowly. yeccchh.

[aroraborealis.livejournal.com]

Mostly, it was strange to be standing up with my friend while she married this absolute ASSHOLE. I was happy for her that she was happy, but I was bummed out that she thought this was the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. They broke up within a year, though, happily. My mom's theory was that she had to get married in order to make the end really, really final, rather than the vagueness of a, "Oh, we're no longer going out." They also had kids together, so it was complicated. Now, she's got a much better guy.

[wolfkitn.livejournal.com]

for my friend, the guy certainly wasn't my standard in terms of treating her well, but he had positive points as well. it was more that he was a mystery, and that felt like a tip-off. the truly icky stuff didn't start until after they were married (to my knowledge, anyway), and lasted 4+ years (no kids! whew.). i asked her recently why they got married; it sounded like both of them wanted to have that experience. my thought at the time was, couldn't you have just rented a few movies and extrapolated a bit? but i didn't say that...

[lcohen]

fwiw, i consider myself to have been married twice, but i've never had a wedding.

rosa, i'm not sure if you'd want me to answer this since i've never been legally married.

[aroraborealis.livejournal.com]

Yes, please do!

[wotw]

> If you could go back and give your pre-marriage self
> some advice or insight, what would it be?

Have a pre-nuptial agreement. I would give this advice
in the strongest possible terms to *anyone* who's thinking
about getting married, and not just on the grounds that
your spouse might go psycho. There are a lot of other
good reasons:

a) If you ever should break up---and let's face it, you
might---then your children, your property, and the extent
to which your lives remain entangled will be determined by
the laws of your state. These laws will be written by the
same state legislators who today are busy proscribing gay
marriage and (at least in my state) banning the little
clicky things that keep the gas pump running while you
go in to buy a candy bar. These are *not* the people who
should be running your life, and it's important to take a
stand to that effect. Each pre-nup is a statement that
state legislators ought not be telling people how to run
their families.

b) Even if you're perfectly happy with the laws of your
state, they are subject to change at any moment. By not
having a pre-nup you make yourselves vulnerable to any
nutty idea any state legislator comes up with over the
next several decades. Plus, to repeat myself, it's
important to make the statement that these guys have no
business telling you how to run your life, even if they're
currently telling you how to run it the way you want to
anyway.

c) In negotiating a pre-nup you're going to be
negotiating a lot of important issues that you really
ought to be thinking hard about before you get married
anyway. E.g: Is everything share and share alike, or
are we each going to have some money that's ours alone?
If one of us decides to take some time off work, do we
expect the other to pick up all the financial slack, and
if so, under what circumstances would this be considered
exploitative, etc etc. If you're going to live together
you'd better get this stuff straight. If you're going to
get it straight, you might as well write it down.

d) Expanding on c), the Nobel laureate George Stigler
once said that he was appalled by people who so
denigrated the great institution of marriage that they
couldn't even be bothered to negotiate the details. Amen.

[aroraborealis.livejournal.com]

This is interesting. I've always been critical of pre-nups, from the point of view of, "I'm not even married yet and I'm planning how to deal with the divorce."

However, I'm very critical of the legal institution of marriage, and looking at pre-nuptual agreements as a way of taking control of something that the government shouldn't have control of in the first place is a very compelling argument.

[jordanwillow.livejournal.com]

I used to be critical of prenups, too, but now I think of them a little differently. To me, they feel like one way to maintain your individuality as you enter a union. A reminder that while we will be we, I am still I, and you are still you. In the whole world, I'm the only person I know I will always be able to rely on. (Not that I don't believe that some of the people who love me will always love me; more that I can't be sure in what ways they'll change, emotionally, physically, and mentally. Also, not that I can be sure that I'll always be able to take care of myself, either; I'm only talking in terms of relationships here.) So why not protect my ability to be the individual I am, in case circumstances find me alone again someday? Granted, I don't really expect ever to get married, and don't really want to, and kind of freak out a little bit at the idea of losing my individuality in a marriage; so my attitude toward prenups is probably a little cynical, and more a sign that I shouldn't get married then that others should get prenups :-)

You asked why people got married, not why they didn't, but I know both questions interest you, so I'll tell you my reason. Technically, I have a whole range of reasons for not anticipating a marriage in my life. But the biggest reason is that I can't imagine knowing that I would want to be someone's partner for the rest of my life. I can imagine knowing that I would want to be their partner now, and for the foreseeable future. But, for the rest of my life? Forever? Till death do us part? How do I know what's going to happen to me, or to the other person, in the future? How can I know how either of us will change? When I was 18, I never would have imagined that I would want the things I want now that I'm 28. So how can I say that I know now what I will want when I'm 38, or 48? I don't ever want to say to a person, "I want to be with you forever," unless I'm sure it's true. And how can I be sure?

This being said, I am a romantic at heart, in that I believe I could find someone I'd spend my whole life with. I just don't think that at any point during that life, I could be sure about what lay ahead. Not until I'm on my deathbed, and could look back, and smile at the nice thing that happened.

Eomer is the only exception. I would marry Eomer. :-)

[mzkero.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately Judges can and do override pre-nups. Not all of the time, but it something to be aware of.

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

We got married for a lot of reasons, as people do -- but the thing that decided *me* on marriage was getting a nifty year-long job offer in a far-flung corner of the world, and realizing that I didn't want to take it because the laws of the country wouldn't allow me to bring a non-working non-spouse partner and I really wanted David to come with me.

I don't think it really changed our relationship. The decision to *get* married did, somewhat. It made already-existing ideas more definite in my head. Is it what I expected? ...er, I guess? I didn't know quite what I expected, and it's turned out well, and that's generally how I hope gigantic projects will go. :) I suppose it might be easier than I'd feared it would be, since people were always talking about how much marriage changes relationships and then when it didn't, I was relieved.

We didn't have any other relationships before marriage, but I think that for me (and for D, chiming in across the room), being married makes polyamory easier and less scary.

I like my marriage. Yup.

[aroraborealis.livejournal.com]

Very interesting -- thanks for sharing :)

I like my marriage. Yup.

Yay :)

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

Ahh! I forgot to add that I was sure I'd never get married, no matter what. It was just never my thing.

[anotherjen.livejournal.com]

I got married the first time because I was an innocent 21-year-old who was in love with the romance of it all. I also wanted to have a kid.

I got married the second time because Orin wanted us to, and I did wind up kind of getting carried away with the romance of it all. Also, wanted kid.

First time, it didn't change our relationship as far as I recall. We were only together and married for a year, and we separated - wow - 11 years ago. The second time, it didn't change our relationship, but it did make it last longer, because we were more invested in it. I'm not sure this was a good thing, since it also prolonged the misery. It didn't change my other relationships except once in a while someone had an issue with dating a "married woman."

Marriage was much harder than I expected, but then I married two men who were unsuitable for me. From speaking to my happily married friends, it appears to be a lot of work, but not too difficult.

I have vowed never to get legally married again. There is no way I am going to promise to be devoted to one person forever and ever. Who knows how I will change or he will change? I'd be cool with commitments of a certain number of years, like one to five. But my whole life? No way. The only person I stand by no matter what is my daughter.

I don't even like attending weddings or watching them on TV, because it just seems like such a Bad Idea to me. I also recognize that this is my own baggage and maybe someday it'll change.

I would tell my pre-marriage self that wanting to have a baby is a bad reason to get married, and also that marriage in and of itself makes no sense, when chances are you won't stay together forever. Of course, this would make Ilana *POOF* out of existence, so I guess I wouldn't do it. I guess then I would tell my pre-marriage self to insist on keeping the finances separate, because money was the main thing Orin and I fought about.

[aroraborealis.livejournal.com]

I have a friend who recently commented that if the right wants to save the institution of marriage, they would work to make it illegal to get married before the age of 30. It's no guarantee, but based on how many people I know who would have done better for themselves later in life (or did do so), it's not a bad concept :)

[anotherjen.livejournal.com]

I've suggested age 25; I think although 30 would be better for relationships, it's a bit late to start procreating if you want a big family. Before age 25, virtually no one has a clue of what they want in life (from my experience) and thus should not be choosing a spouse. Of course I personally think marriage is a bad idea in general anyway.

[(Anonymous)]

I got married 5 years ago because it was important to me to spend my life with another person and marriage made sense for a lot of reasons. It didn't seem like not getting married made sense. Looking back I think that it felt like the right time, but there were some of the wrong reasons and even though the timing felt right it was not right in a lot of ways. I am still sorting all this out. My advice would be don't get married when your life alone or your life with your intended is unsettled. Dont' think it will all work out. Work it out first, and then celebrate or decide it isn't the right time and wait for the right time to come. If its meant to be, it will, and if it isn't, it won't. Making the commitment before the right time won't make the commitment any better or more likely to last. Good luck.

[wolfkitn.livejournal.com]

gaaaah! it's a tough thing to answer. we got married for all kinds of reasons. marriage definitely changed things in some ways, and not in others. re: expectations: according to all of our friends, we've had more unexpectable and external stress in 3-ish years than most marriages are allowed to have overall, by contract; and i think that given that, we're probably doing pretty well on the whole. i can honestly say that it hasn't always been fun. we're working (harder and harder) on increasing the fun quotient!

it's ironic, for me the biggest change isn't the rings or the official document somewhere in a city of somerville folder; it's the memory of the october afternoon, and all the people we had there who witnessed it and signed their names to our certificate. any time we've had a difficulty that might have turned into trouble, i have thought of that and have said to myself, "we -must- work through this." and so far, we always have.

i suspect i'd have lots of advice to give myself, but then i tend to be a bit over-analytical in that way, and i also tend to not listen to advice; so it makes no sense to try to have given myself any. or something like that. :)

[snoway.livejournal.com]

Hi, I got married because we were buying property together. It was my mom's doing, looking out for my interests. Mind you I must admit, we were in love..haha, sounds sooo corny. So, no it didn't change the relationship at all, but marriage is hard..as mentioned you are saying that you are going to stay with that person forever. Which in this age doesn't really mean much..but that is what marriage vows are about. If I could go back yeah I'd still get married, if I was to start again now..present day..nooo I would never marry again. Advice, be independant both financially and socially...and have your own room or rooms in your home were you can go, do, change, mess up or whatever..and your partner has no say as to what goes on in there..it's like yours...hehehe, not everything needs to be shared, it's then up to you if you wanna let them in or not. BTW, I've been married for 25 yrs and yes I'm happy and still in love...but there has been some pretty intense times.

[snowy-owlet.livejournal.com]

I got married the first time because I was all WOE NO ONE WILL HAVE ME BETTER TAKE THIS GUY EVEN THO HE'S DAMAGED, and boy did THAT work out great. Or not.

The second time---I love my Kitsune so much, and our wedding was super fun, etc., but as I get older the less I think that I believe in marriage for me. I get awfully cranky now and again, having to put up with another person living in the same house. We were registered at domestic partners, so there was no legal/financial difference in getting married---it was largely that it was very important for him. And that's fine, unless he starts to get upset about my crankiness.

Marriage was harder than I expected the first time around, but I think that is mostly b/c he was a philandering, abusive, alcholic. This time around, it's easier than I expected, because Kitsune treats me like a grownup.

If I could go back to my pre-married self, my advice would be "wait." I was not mature at 23, and that's awfully young to get married anyhow. I could really have used some years to sort myself out.

[anotherjen.livejournal.com]

I didn't know opposite-sex couples could register as domestic partners! (If I'm reading this correctly and you are female.)

[beah.livejournal.com]

They can. The rules vary state to state and depending on for what purpose you're doing so. When I was considering doing it, the requirement to be a domestic partner for health insurance coverage was to provide proof we'd been living together for over x amount of time (3-5 years, if I recall), by providing co-signed leases or utility bills in both our names dating back that far.

[snowy-owlet.livejournal.com]

Stunningly enough, we only had to provide proof of having lived together for 6 months. That was just for the company insurance, though. I'm guessing it's because this is in accordance with TX laws regarding common-law marriage. If you've been together 6 months and you introduce each other in public as "husband" and "wife," BOOM! You're married.

(And yes: I'm female.)

[hawkegirl.livejournal.com]

I think marraige is what you make it. Any two people can make any sort of agreement as to what it means to them - insert snowflake hubba here -. Is it a bond you intend for life, ownership of eachother, legal convience, a declaration of love... ? The possabilities are about as endless as there are people with ideas.

I don't think there is anything I would tell my pre-married self except perhaps a prenuptual agreement is a good thing. That's a tough one, it *is* a good idea, but so is faith. If I were to ever marry again though, I would definatley have one as the kids and their financial future is at stake.

marriage

[kimcob.livejournal.com]

I grew up knowing I would get married, definately fantasized about it for years. I have pages and pages about it in various journals and diaries, even pictures of my dress. I think somehow I thought I would finally be safe. Although my parents did not model that, probably societal brainwashing.

Then I was a dyke and had a LOT of anger about heterosexual privledge.

Then out of the blue I feel in love with this rude, gruff, rough around the edges, really smart man, whoops! I wanted to marry him and have kids for a long time. He did not, partly because he was coming off a marriage that do not work out. Many years later he wanted to marry and I did not. Eventually we got pregnant. During this my father was dying. It was one of my dad's last wishes that we get married. Twenty days after his death I granted his wish. I agreed to take Rick up on his really great insurance policy,which was better than the one I had.

I love being married. We did not put any forever talk into our vows because we agreed life is ever changing and so are people. Ultimately I believe Rick brings to me many of the lessons I have to learn in this life. I love being supported and love and I love giving that back every day or at least I try.

I am not sure I had a lot of expectations going into our marriage, other than love, support and clear communication. So far we are doing okay. 5.5 married, 8.5 together.

I think unfortunately being married makes our life easier because a huge part of the population "understands" the context of our relationship and therefor do not give us a hard time.

Advice for my pre-marriage self about marriage- none.

[darthsunshine.livejournal.com]

The first time I got married, I did it because I didn't have a strong enough sense of self to even recognize that I *could* say no, much less actually *say* no. That marriage didn't particularly change the relationship--it was fucked up to start with. (I was 19; he was 34. I was only half-baked. Yes, this was the clown.)

The second time I got married, I did it so that my partner could get on my insurance. I was working and he was still in school. Originally, we did the legal deed solely for the legal benefits, but over the almost-5-years that we were legally married, I think that we slid into being "married" in a suburban sort of way. Most of that time we were still living in Texas and directly because of that we weren't especially out about being bisexual and polyamorous. I feel that eventually our relationship started to take on some of the stereotypical qualities/characteristics that the average Houston suburbanite expects when they hear the word "marriage." We used that word, they thought/expected those things, eventually we started thinking/expecting some of those things. So yes, I feel that it did change our relationship, but only because of the way we dealt with it. I don't believe it *had* to change our relationship. At the times of each of my marriages, I had no other partners for the marriage to have changed.

The first time around, marriage wasn't what I expected nor what I hoped, but I went into that pretty idealistically and pretty unrealistically. The second time around, the first few years of the marriage *were* what I expected, and what we had professed to want from each other--we were best friends. The last couple of years were a downward spiral. At times throughout my second marriage was both easier and harder than I expected.

I now have a partner and we're in the process of moving in together. One of my mom's first questions was whether we were getting married (she's catholic). I had to work not to laugh when I told her no. (Her particular phrasing was something alnog the lines of whether we'd be making this a permanent arrangement, like getting married. Considering that I'm twice divorced and he's once divorced, the thought of marriage and permanent in the same sentence amused the hell out of me.) Kai and I share the opinion that if things between us are still going well in another 5 or 10 years, we can think and talk about a legal arrangement then. I see no need for a legal relationship between us. We have a committed relationship--we expect to each continue growing, and to continue growing together. From where we stand now, we see no reason to think that those are unreasonable things to expect and hope for. If it ever starts looking like either of those isn't reasonable to expect, we'll reevaluate.

I wouldn't go back and give myself advice. While some of what I've lived through hasn't been easy, it's all led me to where I am now, and I really like where I am now and who I am now.

[snowy-owlet.livejournal.com]

some of the stereotypical qualities/characteristics that the average Houston suburbanite expects when they hear the word "marriage."

I live in surburban Houston, and at present I'm fighting this miasma tooth and nail.

[darthsunshine.livejournal.com]

Kudos and much luck to you in that fight.

[(Anonymous)]

Good questions. Our solemnizer asked much the same questions - she couldn't wrap her head around why we as a poly couple would go for marriage.

Pygment and I got married for two distinct reasons, both of which we agreed on. Pragmatically, we had decided to have children and had the experience of living with a couple who were trying to raise a kid without being legally married. We simply decided we didn't want that level of hassle. State-sanctioned marriage opens so many doors there and we decided we'd rather put our energy into our baby rather that into fighting the system. (1)

On the non-pragmatic side, for us the marriage ceremony was about commitment and life transitions. We were committed to each other and to building a life together and the marriage ceremony was a showing of that commitment. When we wrote our vows one of the things we wrote about was the act of choosing - how we chose each other, how we chose to be married and a promise to continue the work of making that choice.

Those who have written about marriage as work aren't wrong.(2) For us, part of the marriage was to celebrate the work we had done to get to that position and publicly declare our intention to continue that work as individuals as well as our intention to building a joint life from there on.

I don't think it changed our relationship much to be married. We used to tease people who asked us that. I think it did affect our other relationships, but it's hard for me to quantify precisely how. You might get better answers from the people who were dating us back then.

Marriage is about what I expected - well, except for the parenting thing, which I don't think anyone is ever truly prepared for. It's both harder and easier. I think I win being the male on this one - everyone needs "a wife", especially wives.

--wex

(1) Not to denigrate anyone who takes a different choice - more power to 'em. Just not our choice.
(2) And with due respect to those who wish they had pre-nups I have yet to meet one that a competent lawyer couldn't shred. Unless you're convinced you've got the smartest lawyer in the world drafting yours and you'll get a sympathetic judge I don't see them providing much value. YMMV, of course.

[hammercock.livejournal.com]

I got married at age 25, after a relationship of 5 years and engagement of 4 years. I didn't feel at the time that it changed very much, except to have the legal and social recognition (which is considerable and often very useful). Partly, I guess I figured it was what people did when they wanted to commit to each other for the long term, but I also did feel at the time that I was glad to be getting married and that I looked forward to the idea of being a family, having children, all that stuff.

What I didn't expect, over time, was that he and I weren't very compatible in two key areas, sexuality and communication. We moved to Australia and were very isolated, and then he fell for someone and it got exponentially harder (and worse). We opened the marriage, though I had misgivings, and what ended up happening was that the gulf between us widened past bridging. His other relationship was not a catalyst, but an accelerant. In the course of our problems, marriage was so much harder than I had ever anticipated. We got divorced, and by the time we decided to do so, it was really the only sane choice, but it was incredibly difficult and sad.

I don't really think about what I wish I could have said to myself back then, but I do think about what I've learned and how to use that knowledge to make my current relationship better. Part of it is that trowa_barton and I are much more compatible in all ways, but I've also learned that people who can't communicate and listen with each other effectively have no business being in a serious relationship together. That is what I've tried the most to bring to our relationship, communication and emotional honesty, and so far it seems to be working.

For a while I thought I could take or leave marriage after the divorce. Now, though, I've come to feel that I would like to be married again. Not just because of the legal and social recognition and privileges, but because I like the idea of solemnizing a bond between myself and my partner and committing to building a life together in front of my family and friends. I like the community aspect of it. I like the romantic aspect of it, too. I also believe that marriage is what the people involved make of it, and that it's perfectly valid to not invite the state to the party.

[wolfkitn.livejournal.com]

I also believe that marriage is what the people involved make of it, and that it's perfectly valid to not invite the state to the party.

sometime if you're interested, i can show you the two pictures that we have of our "legal wedding": A, me, and our solemnizer, off in a corner signing a piece of paper while others were socializing.

there are lots more pictures of the ceremony (which was moving, and fun) and the party (which was fabulous). i am very, very glad that the state had no visible presence in our wedding ceremony itself.

[lcohen]

well as i said, i consider myself to have been married twice, but since they were both same sex spouses, i've never been legally married.

michele wasn't out to her family for the entire 14 years that we were together so there was no question of a wedding. ayana was out and we did talk about it but a lot of her family is homophobic and it seemed fraught so we never went ahead and planned anything. she has since had a ceremony with her current partner, which goes to show something, i'm sure.

in both cases, it was important to me to term the relationship a marriage because i wanted to indicate to the world the weight i had given to these two relationships as opposed to my other relationships. i was engaged to a third woman but we never pulled the trigger and moved it to a marriage. again, not about the ceremony but about life entanglement and what you think you are building and where you think you are in that process. i wanted my family to know that those two women were my spouses--that our relationship was the emotional if not legal equivalent of my sister's marriage to her husband and my brother's marriage to his wife.

i would not say that it changed the relationships so much as that it gave shape to what was already there. it was what i expected but then i could very much have it be what i wanted it to be. i think that some of that came from being with a same sex partner. there was no "it has to look this way" to fight against.

marriage is hard and my first one was very hard. i experienced my life as happy, but it took a lot of mental gymnastics to make that so. it is lucky that i am very strong, and that's all i need to say about that. the second time was much easier, but then there are problems about how all of that happened, too, since some of the ease may have come from my ex not telling me things i needed to know. ah well.

insight to my pre-first marriage self: it is okay to give up and say this is too hard. it is okay to leave someone.

insight to my pre-second marriage self: leopards really do not usually change their spots.

i would get married again under the right set of circumstances, i think, btw. however, i was very cautious the second time and apparently still not cautious enough so i think the caution meter is currently set very very high.

I am not married.

[jennylisa.livejournal.com]

But I plan to be. Because I want with all of my heart and soul to declare before my friends and family, and the powers that be, that he is my partner in life, in love, and in creating a family. I want to be his next of kin, and he mine... I want him to be allowed in the room if I am ever in the hospital.

Hmmm... I know there's more, but he just crawled into bed. I think he deserves my attention... :-D