honesty: the best policy?

[aroraborealis]

When is honesty the best policy? When isn't it?

Comments

[catya.livejournal.com]

define "honesty" ?

[aroraborealis.livejournal.com]

No :)

(I'm more curious about what this means to other folks than getting an answer/response to what I think it is.)

[catya.livejournal.com]

yeah, it just makes it tricky to answer without an essay :)

[blivious.livejournal.com]

Honesty is the best policy, except when it isn't. YMMV.

[aroraborealis.livejournal.com]

*laugh*

Thanks :)

[cutieperson]

i like to think it's always the best policy. however, if it becomes apparent in a situation that there's nothing that can be said to make things right/feel good, and honesty will definitely make things worse, it is better to keep ones mouth shut.

[cutieperson]

er, except when it isn't, like in capital R relationships, where i think full disclosure/honesty is always necessary.

[infinitehotel.livejournal.com]

Honesty is usually the best prescription, but there are always questions of quality, duration and dosage. The human LD-50 for uncut honesty is extremely low.

[infinitehotel.livejournal.com]

As opposed, of course, to laboratory rats. :)

[snowy-owlet.livejournal.com]

I think that honesty is the best policy except when it's deliberately hurtful.

[mr-privacy.livejournal.com]

honesty is only the best policy when it hurts the speaker more than the listener. Otherwise, its sanctimonious crap. :)

[kimcob.livejournal.com]

I think in part best policy might come down to how is the message delivered. I think I strive to be honest, with the exception of , "how are you? fine." from someone I do not know very well. However in big relationships be them friends or lovers T\the honesty I am delivering usually has a message I want them to really hear. I try to find a way to say the thing that may or not be difficult so they can use it to grow. I think unless it is to be hurtful it is usually the best policy.

[keyne.livejournal.com]

I'm in the sort of mood where I want to tell a couple of people Exactly What I Think of Them. But I retain enough common sense to know that when you're in that sort of mood, telling people Exactly What You Think is not the best policy.

[wolfkitn.livejournal.com]

well, thinking back to my catholic school days... there's omission and commission, in sin-land. commission is when you do something wrong; omission is when you fail to do the right thing, or leave something out.

i think that "committing" an act of anti-honesty is just about always dead wrong. i think that there are times when "ommitting" a truth can be right -- along the lines of choose your battles, which sometimes means pick out the right time to say the icky honest thing that needs to be said.

[crouchback.livejournal.com]

I think honesty is always the best policy, but wolfkitn has got something there, too. Omitting something when the harm that will be done by the omission is greater than any benefit to be gained by it is the right thing to do.

[wolfkitn.livejournal.com]

to be completely honest ;) i was thinking about it that PoV, and also from a personal-gain PoV. an example:

a number of years back, i was very casually involved with a friend (person A). it came to happen that A introduced me to person B, who completely wowed me, and it turned out that this was mutual. it happened that these two people and i made up 3 points of what we eventually termed a parallelogram. B and i met, liked, and began to email long-distance.

when B and i met the next time (B was in from out of town), B asked me if i'd ever been involved with A (with whom i was still very casually involved). i *knew* that if i said yes, no way in heck would B be interested in starting something, because of angst related to the 4th point in common that A and B shared and because B didn't know me well enough to know whether to pursue anything with me. oh, and this was way before poly, and A and i knew a priori that if something better came along, we were through in a dating kind of way.

so, i thought about the question for the longest 5 seconds of my life. i said no.

months later, B and i were in love and closely involved, and i had learned over the course of time that honesty was B's Biggest Issue, period. i was eating myself up inside over the fact that i had deliberately lied. so, after a great deal of thought, i decided to tell B about the situation, and why i had lied.

ultimately, B agreed (against all previously-held principles :) ) that i had done the right thing, for us, at the time; but also that sie was glad that i'd come clean with it, and that had i waited a longer time, it would not have been okay.

ASAP

[gatopreto.livejournal.com]

I think honesty is the best policy, except when it's not. What I think about more is ' as soon as practical', or, when to be totally honest.

The except when it's not is half a joke, half not. I think that there are situations where, no matter what you tell someone, you won't be believed. Also, some people will not listen and will hear what they want (or don't want) to hear. The trick is giving them the chance to show that for themselves.

[miss-chance.livejournal.com]

Honesty
It's such a waste of energy
No you don't have to lie to me
Just give me some tenderness
Beneath your honesty

[miss-chance.livejournal.com]

(one of the most important things anyone ever said to me)

[cluelessinchi.livejournal.com]

Honesty should always be the best policy except for when it hurts someone. Then it can be a bit altered but it is important to say as close to the truth without not being honest. And if you have nothing nice to say then do not say anything.